Guilty

Tonight I found myself day dreaming about a guy that's not single. I feel terrible. I feel like a creep.

I don't foster crushes on people that aren't available. Hell, I couldn't even crush on the Supernatural guys after I found out they were all married. Those dashing, sexy sons of bitches. It just didn't feel okay to day dream after that.

The same should go here. I kind of thought the crush had mostly abated, since I found out that the guy I liked was no longer single. That's usually how it goes. I feel dirty thinking about it and distance myself.

I suppose it's harder to distance oneself from a co-worker. Aw who am I kidding? I have the best general manager on earth. If I wanted to never work a shift with him again, she'd make it so. I suppose I assumed it wouldn't be a problem.

But the dynamic between he and I hasn't changed, so I think maybe it's just taking my feelings a minute to let go. And by dynamic, I mean we're the same kind of weird. We enjoy hassling each other. Poking each other's vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Literally poking each other. Well that's him. I'm no longer in initiative mode.

I think my brain is translating all this goofing around as flirting. I believe it only seems like that to my brain, and not to his.

I know I do indeed still enjoy working with him, although I am no longer stealing glances. We're just buddies. That never hang out, except at work. Which is frankly okay. More distance is better.

And he has that thing. A thing I hated about music man. If he doesn't feel like talking, then anybody else's efforts to socialize just bounce of and make us feel like chumps. Psh. Humans. This is my least favorite of their qualities.

I think I feel a bit better after transcribing my feelings. Writing really helps me to work things through in my head.

Hopefully there will be no updates.