Ex just confessed his feelings for me.
What is this, Fuck with honestgoth month? Because the universe is on a roll. Two solid weeks of work, dealing with a full on business catastrophe during that time, and then two weeks of depression and psychological paralysis, and dealing with massive urges to hurt myself and the almost impossible urges to binge and purge. I've avoided the first sort of, except for giving into the second. And then this.
That's not including all the other little things, like my cycle still not starting, finding out crush wasn't single, feeling like a total fat-ass, having to reject an interested friend, and being triggered when I watched the shining.
I didn't even know I had a trigger, but verbal abuse moving toward violence, watching it, like jack yelling at his wife, that did it.
Seriously. This just finally went too far.
God? I know we disagree on a lot of key points, like most of the bible (provided that crazy book was even your idea to begin with). But I need strength right now. Also maybe magic. Or heavily advanced science. Just... Please. Help me. This is a nightmare.
I take great satisfaction in being able to roll with the punches, handle anything, one way or another, regardless of the actual outcome. I need to be strong, for me. So that I go the right direction in my life. Somehow. So that I don't let people down, or I tear them down, depending on who they are and how they choose to conduct themselves.
So that I don't pick the wrong guy, and I don't disappoint my mother. So that I'm a good parent some day.
I can't afford these mental breakdowns.
Please help me.
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