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Monday, February 16, 2015

Rollerblading Christ

Jesus fucking rollerblading Christ.

X is maintaining 14 hour a day jobs so he can take care of delicate girlfriend, save for wedding, family planning, vacation, car, ect. All in the name of not screwing up this "grown-up" thing.

I'm not sure if I want to be incredulous, furious or disdainful.

So let's go one at a time.

Hahaha right. How well is he going to handle 5 doubles a week while maintaining a healthy relationship? He'll be tired and aggressive or apathetic. "grown-up"? This from the man that moved to live with his 21 year old cyber girlfriend, been living up there two months, and he's saving up for wedding and family. I have never seen him do his own taxes, in 4 years of knowing him.

Okay maybe I'm just PISSED because he was incapable of taking care of himself and another with me. She's delicate? Wedding and family planning? You wasted your paychecks on video games, ren faire gear, and laptops and left me in thousands worth of debt after buying a bed together the month before you left me for another woman you'd met on the internet. You HIT ME. SHE'S DELICATE!??

Sure you're never gonna lose your temper and hurt her. Sure. You're never gonna scream at her autistic sister. You're not gonna become distant and start talking to some new love of your life the minute your phone gets turned back on, between exhausting hours, because that's never been how you handled stress in a relationship before.

Some evil thing inside of me wants you to crash and burn. Thinks you deserve it. Do you? I really don't know. My opinion is colored by your past. I wish I could erase it all and be happy for you. But I still don't believe in you. I still don't believe that anything other than you can make you a better person. Not a new town. Not a new girl.

Not even if she's better than me. Prettier. More talented. Better rounded, less of a head case.

I hope you end up ok in spite of my feeling on the matter. Because it's not what I want. I want your broken bits to sabotage you every time. And that's my problem, not yours. I hope one day god can forgive me.