Legend-WAITFORIT-ary!

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Monday, June 16, 2014

Of note:

It's insane how much I've changed over the years. I spent some time going through old posts to see if I would delete any. A lot of it is very embarrassing. Me saying I'd get away from some guy for good, and then the very next post complaining about him jilting me again. Physical problems. Masturbation, love, sex, personal dignity and veganism.

One post in particular mentioned how it seemed I'd never get away from my exboyfriend until he found somebody else. You know what? I did. He sent me a sext, a photo of his fucking dong, and said it missed me. I actually rejected him. I reject him every time he tries to get close in that way now.

I did change. I can be better. There is proof in these pages of shame.

Eventually I became the strong one. He hit me. But you know what? I rejected him and it stung him deeply. He has no power over me anymore. I'm a bitch to him. I'm not afraid to say what I think when he's being manipulative and an idiot. Before I was afraid to speak up, afraid he'd get angry or hurt me.

Why bother to keep him in my life at all? I have two reasons. The first is... I suppose a little upsetting, but true: He knows me. And people that know me are all too rare. I need people that know me in this world, it anchors my sanity.

Second? He is a reminder that I can become strong. I can make myself miserable now in order to give myself a better life in the future. He is a reminder that the one that needs to stand up for me is ME.

I am my champion.

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