Dear customer

If your bill is 21.76 and you give me 22 dollars, do NOT. Tell me to keep the change. YOU KEEP THE CHANGE, YOU FILTHY ANIMAL!!! Seriously. It's rude. I don't care if you do complement my hair and make pleasant conversation. This does not make me feel better. Do you even realize what they pay us? What is WRONG with you??

You know what? Every once in a while I will have a customer that apologizes and says they are so sorry, they can't tip me, or they can't tip me well. And you know what? I still count it as a stiff, but I'm not going to keep a grudge. I remember them with some friendliness. I know what it's like to be on the outs with money. I forgive. At least they were nice about it.

But if I see an 80 inch television in the background, attached to a ps3, an xbox360 AND a wii, and you tell me to keep the change? I will tell you to "have a day" as I turn and walk away with my 24 cent tip. I will remember you. I will go back to work and warn the other delivery drivers. I will warn the in-store employees. And the next time you call, they'll tell you it's 3 hours for a delivery.

Someday I'm gonna snap and say "Oh gee, thanks! 24 cents! That's so generous!" And then I will get fired. And I will be okay with that because I went out on a high note. I will have gone down in glorious flames. And they will tell stories of me to the new drivers for years to come.

That's right. Undying glory.

Bitch.