Bulimia

Bulimia is a horrible, dirty, awful thing that destroys girls from the inside out. Examples being me and my awesome gay lady friend. The enamel in our teeth is getting all messed up. She says the edges of her teeth are getting translucent.

I always thought that was normal.

My teeth hurt much of the time. They're so sensitive. Also, one of my molars is cracked. I doubt the repetitive corrosive stomach acid baths chipped it, but I bet they made it weak enough that the next time I accidentally chomped my tongue ring, it cracked.

My throat hurts a lot of the time.

Some days I don't even throw up. It happens more when I'm menstruating because then is when I crave and consume ungodly amounts of carbohydrates. And this time I even ate some cookies. Sugar. I don't EAT sugar. at all! Except for a couple days ago, now.

On days when I work it's easy to be good. I wake up at 4:30. I have some toast around 5:30. I get to work at 6 am. I have a snack at 8 am. Lunch is at 10:30. I get off around 2:30 and 4 pm is dinner time. And then I'm asleep by 9 pm. I have trouble convincing myself to go running when I don't sleep enough, though.

And then I feel guilty. Especially when I over-do it on the weekends. So when I do eat carbs, and I haven't been working them off, I get guilty and throw them all up.

I knew about ana-vegans. Anorexic vegans. What am I? A buli-vegan? A dead girl walking.

I can't continue this. Yeah, it definitely works as a supplement when I've over-eaten or forgotten to run. But one day my esophagus might collapse. Then my family could watch me drown in my own body fluids with no way to save me.