Darkness and Light

Light and darkness.

Good and evil.

Good guy and Goth guy.

You've never heard of Good guy. He was the only good person I ever dated (of the two). Sweet, honest, intelligent, Christian, a gentleman. The second of the two men I've kissed.

Today he found out I've banged Goth guy. His reaction was intense. I'd broken it off nearly six months ago. I couldn't develop feelings for him because Goth guy was hanging around. Talking to me. Messing with my feelings.

He found out I'd banged Goth guy and threw a tizzy. Hung up. And I received a text exactly along the lines of "have a nice life". Oh. HELL no. I defended myself by not defending myself. Basically I said, I KNOW i'm a bad person. SORRY! You're JUDGING ME and STOP HURTING MY FEELINGS!

This lead to a long line of texts and IMs until he went and admitted he loves me.

SHIT.

So. I love Goth guy. And Good guy loves me. SHIT SHIT SHIT!

I should explain, I just never had any feelings for Good guy. Stupid. I know. He's mostly perfect. But damned if I was gonna lead a good man on.

And now he wants a romantic "hang out session". I can't really explain everything about Goth guy to him (or even tell him who that guy I banged is) but it's like he doesn't understand what can't be there.

Heh. Maybe the best response wasn't "Maybe something less 'all alone in the woods' ish. I'm not in date mode and that SOUNDS like a date." Poor guy.

Dear God: Please smite me down. I'd really appreciate it at this point. Well, maybe not. Maybe just smite my emotions?