The problem with women's underclothing

Yes, we want it to be sexy. But we also want it to be comfortable.

Also, it's nice if it's actually functional.

I have the sexiest little undershirt in the world. Or is it a bustier? Or a corset!? I DON'T KNOW! It's like a long camisole and a sexy bra got together and made a beautiful baby! The material is stretchy, so I don't have to feel like A: it fits awkwardly or B: I have to stuff myself into it and not breath too hard for fear of bursting out of it like the hulk out of his screen-t.

Also, it holds the hills high whilst still covering my belly. I can wear it under shirts that might not otherwise be long enough. (sorry, I'm not gonna get into baring my belly until said belly chooses to turn into abs of steel. But I'm neither holding my breath nor doing the thirty minute abs work out while I wait.

It is a bra. AND an undershirt. And it's not going to last forever. Which is a terrible shame because among all those other things, it's also sexy. I remember the creepy old man at the register winked and asked "You gettin all dolled up tonight, eh?" when I bought it. And goth guy liked it.

Of course he generally didn't pause at the underclothing. I think sexy underclothing is mostly for us women. Sure, the men probably appreciate them, as long as they get to tear them off. But we're the ones that like wearing them.

Anyway, the point is that I'm panicking because A: walmart hasn't had this sexy little piece since I bought it two years ago (Yes. Walmart. I'm sorry. Shut up. I'm poor.) and B: I can't find it online and C: I've scoured high and low, every store on the list, but I cannot find them ANYWHERE!!

What will I do without it!? How can I LIVE? I mean, I love my traditional bras, I do. But it's hard to find a truly long undershirt that isn't a shitty tank-top! WE WANT SOFT, STRETCHY T-SHIRT MATERIAL UNDERSHIRTS WITH SPAGHETTI STRAPS!! Or I do, anyway.

Actually, I want stretchy, silky material with a BRA on top.