Oh HELL no

Good guy is engaged again. A week after professing his undying love for me and telling me he was willing to wait for me to sort myself out. I find myself feeling a bit burned because I believed him when he said he would wait.

Instead I find he has returned to his ex-fiance. Whom was crazy and hated his parents, according to him. Also, according to him it was a bad relationship. Just... wow.

He actually told me that it was better for him to wait for me than to be in a bad relationship. Apparently not.

My friend says I must have broken his heart.

It was unintentional. I really actually kind of hoped he would wait for me. Maybe I'd get over Goth guy, and then I could fall for Good guy for reals.

My friend also says that if you chase two rabbits, you lose both.

Well, it's like the men in my life coordinate their attacks for maximum damage to my already delicate emotional state. I mean, SERIOUSLY! They must be like women. Their periods must synch like ours. Only, they synch with the periods of men that are also involved with their object of affection.

Clever, men. Very clever.

Brain ninja

The comedian Dane Cook once called women brain ninjas. Said we'd say something that wouldn't bother a guy at first, but then it would fester inside their heads until they went mad.

Well, Dane, I've got rather uncomfortable news: Men can be brain ninjas too.

Exhibit A: Goth guy.

Is.

Fucking.

With.

My.

Brain.

Damn him... He'll call, we'll have a perfectly human conversation... Except he keeps bringing the topic back to why he's withdrawing from the world and how he just doesn't want to go out lately, "that's all". Okayyyyy....

The warning sign there was that I didn't ask but he said it anyway.

The second red flag was that he brought it up three times. About how he was fine. He was okay. And I was like, okay, that's great! But he KEPT BRINGING IT UP.

So eventually, I was like, "Is everything REALLY okay?"

"YES! I've just been telling you this whole time that I'm okay!" or something like that.

Which brings him to my LEAST. FAVORITE. HABIT. Worse than that whole break-it-off-once-every-month-and-a-half habit. and I really, really hate that habit.

So you can imagine just how much I hate the "HonestGoth can't say ANYTHING right because Goth guy is on his PERIOD right now" habit.

You FUCKED me at the beginning of this month. You took my FUCKING virginity, punk! DO NOT BITCH AT MEEE! Oh no. Do not.

Ironically, the last "HonestGoth can't say ANYTHING right because Goth guy is on his PERIOD right now" conversation we had was about a week before he fucked me.... So for all I know this means I'm gonna get some next week.

Which I shouldn't look forward to. But crave. Like drinking vodka, smoking cigarettes, eating guacamole and becoming ridiculously, flamboyantly famous some day.

But I admit after each of these conversations I secretly hope he'll just never come back. You know, let me finally continue on in my life? Give me the chance to build the walls that will (unsuccessfully) keep all men out of my life for good?

A girl can dream. Eventually I have to go through menopause, right? In thirty years or so... surely my libido will have bitten the dust by then. Just gotta wait thirty more years.