Darkness and Light

Light and darkness.

Good and evil.

Good guy and Goth guy.

You've never heard of Good guy. He was the only good person I ever dated (of the two). Sweet, honest, intelligent, Christian, a gentleman. The second of the two men I've kissed.

Today he found out I've banged Goth guy. His reaction was intense. I'd broken it off nearly six months ago. I couldn't develop feelings for him because Goth guy was hanging around. Talking to me. Messing with my feelings.

He found out I'd banged Goth guy and threw a tizzy. Hung up. And I received a text exactly along the lines of "have a nice life". Oh. HELL no. I defended myself by not defending myself. Basically I said, I KNOW i'm a bad person. SORRY! You're JUDGING ME and STOP HURTING MY FEELINGS!

This lead to a long line of texts and IMs until he went and admitted he loves me.

SHIT.

So. I love Goth guy. And Good guy loves me. SHIT SHIT SHIT!

I should explain, I just never had any feelings for Good guy. Stupid. I know. He's mostly perfect. But damned if I was gonna lead a good man on.

And now he wants a romantic "hang out session". I can't really explain everything about Goth guy to him (or even tell him who that guy I banged is) but it's like he doesn't understand what can't be there.

Heh. Maybe the best response wasn't "Maybe something less 'all alone in the woods' ish. I'm not in date mode and that SOUNDS like a date." Poor guy.

Dear God: Please smite me down. I'd really appreciate it at this point. Well, maybe not. Maybe just smite my emotions?

May sprint phone services rot in hell for giving me texts

Why are men such FUCKING GIRLS?

Random text along the lines of teasing me for still being in bed. Not in bed.... Hm. Does anybody's mind jump to the 'ahhhhhhh, he's finally moved on and isn't telling me/is fooling around behind my back' scenario?

Well I tried not to.

But damn did he take offense when I (CASUALLY, NOT IN AN ACCUSATORY WAY) asked if it'd been meant for someone else. I mean, damn.

"Wow. wow."

Of course I promptly back-pedaled. "Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean..."

"Wow. No, it's okay. Don't worry about it."

But noooooo. It was NOT okay. We TRIED to move on. He wasn't doing so hot.

"Are you okay?" stupid question, but what was I supposed to do? He went nuts at the very vaguest SUGGESTION of infidelity. I certainly didn't want to try to discuss it in detail.

"No, I'm not."

WELL WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?

Eventually he gave me a lame excuse to get off the phone.

I texted a miserable I'm sorry. Which seems pointless when he doesn't even listen when I say it. He just tries to move on without fixing anything. I just wanted to make it right. Damnit. I'm not even supposed to be in to this sorry bastard, and here I am FREAKING OUT.

I think I'll smoke. And then do spanish homework until my soul gives out and I can finally.... be miserable some more.